T.G.I.F.

I'm dripping with fatigue as I write this, but nothing can bring me down right now because it's finally Friday! This week hasn't been too bad but I'm so thankful for the next few days that I'll have to myself to do whatever I please. Here's an update on the kinderen:

Tijn conceded his status as my favorite to Niek. It's still pretty close but he had some problems listening this week and acting bratty and spoiled. He has made a strong showing lately and I still love him dearly.

Niek is my new favorite! He started saying several different versions of my name but it's really the cutest thing I've ever heard! He calls me O-Neen! Leen! Pretty much anything that sounds like Leen. He also used the potty for the first time this week and I'm so proud of him!


I've concluded that Pim is bulimic. Lately, he's had the tendency to stick toys down his throat causing him to vomit. This usually happens after he's been changed for bed and he usually gets it on whatever I'm wearing. He seems to be really sick, coughing (with his mouth open of course), runny nose, wheezing even. He hasn't slept very well at night this week and I hope he feels better. He gets cuter and stronger everyday and is making serious efforts to pull himself up now!





Lara is still the most difficult. Eline left for Lyon, France this morning to go shopping with her best friend. When I first got here, I resolved to letting Eline do Lara's hair because Lara was adamant about not wanting me to do it. This morning, she had no choice. After Thomas told her to come let me do her hair, Lara grabs the comb and hair elastics and runs towards the front door. I find her searching for a place to hide them, finally trying to stuff them through the mail slot. As I'm telling her not to do such things, she's swatting and trying to push past me. Then she starts crying for mama. Thomas shows up and apparently, although she was screaming for mama, she was really crying because "she wanted to do her hair inside". This annoys me because it wasn't true. As I walk by Thomas, my disdain for her crocodile tears and lie must have been evident in my expression because he tells me I should just talk to her and that "she's five and doesn't understand". I responded that there was nothing she didn't understand since Eline said bye before she left and she knew I'd be the one to have to do her hair. Lara is a very bright girl and deserves more credit. I feel like since she's able to conjure up tears at the drop of a dime, she's babied and I don't want to tolerate it. I don't think I should be the one reprimanded, nor should I have to always speak to her in a sugary sweet tone and baby her. She should know by now that she can't always get what she wants.

Tonight, Jaime and I are dressing up as Indians for Halloween. Seeing as how the holiday isn't as big of a deal here as it is in the U.S., I'm sure we're gonna stand out and it should be interesting....

Congrats are in order...

Ok so I rarely make such frequent posts but I'd like all of you to share in my joyful ventures involving the substance that is poop! Warning, this post gets pretty graphic as I describe why poop is having the:


This morning I awoke to quite a delightful treat from the two babies, Niek and Pim. Although the kids are on vacation this week, Niek still has day care so I was up a little earlier to get him ready. He's two years old and sleeps in a crib that he shouldn't be able to get out of, but Lara helped him out today. Normally this would not be a problem but Niek's stomach must've felt the need to rebel because he took the most satanic shit I've ever seen! His entire pajama leg was covered in poo and little doo doo peas from last night's dinner were strewn all over his bedroom floor, the hallway, and the rooms of Tijn and Lara (apparently he didn't chew ANY of them). It was up his back, on his stomach and all over his legs. I had to give him a shower and I didn't escape without injury: I stepped on a lovely pile.. thank God for socks. Of course, he had the CUTEST, devilish grin on his face and I couldn't help but to laugh at how such a preposterous deuce could come out of such a cute & tiny human being.

Pim was not to be outdone. He decided to unleash some poo poo fury of his own. I knew it was gonna be something foul the minute I lifted him out of his eating chair. He too got it all over his clothes, his back, his stomach and even some on his legs. Again, I was in shock. Not only was he smiling all oblivious and cute, but he was apparently on an imaginary bicycle as I was changing him. I could do nothing but chuckle at the absurdity of the morning and be thankful that I genuinely love these kids!

LEKKER.

Given the current economic state of the US, as well as numerous other countries, I try not to depress myself with watching too much news. Yes, I like to be informed but I'd like to enjoy my year here in Europe without thinking too much of the humongous pile of shit I will surely have to deal with upon returning home. I was just about to change the CNN channel after briefly listening to a report on Dutch monetary contributions to the ING, when a beautiful Black man popped up on the screen.



Not only was he easy on the eyes, but TJ Holmes is well-spoken and eloquent and not annoying so kudos to you, CNN, for doing something right! Definitely makes watching the news just a little bit more fun.

titties & ass

Sooooo this weekend in Belgium was as usual, one of debauchery. Whenever people speak of Europe, they mention big-name places like France, Italy, Greece, Spain, etc. I hadn't heard much about Belgium but lemme clear things up: Belgium is the SHIT. I was pleasantly surprised at how beautiful and lively it was. Granted it was only the 2nd stop on my European tour but I found myself liking it in a much more different way from Amsterdam. Brussels was cozy, welcoming, and easy to navigate. We ate at the most scrumptious Thai restaurant, where despite a brief toothache, I wanted to gobble up everythinggggg in site. Seated next to us were two homosexuals who were kind and ordered the girliest drinks possible (in their defense, they did look good). One was from Cameroon and an had inspirational story to tell about the backlash he faced for his sexuality while there (he even did time in prison!. If I can find his card that he gave us, I'll post the link here but anyway, he was very at home in Brussels, which goes to show its vast appeals. We visited a few bars that night where we were solicited by the usual, "No Thank Yous", but kudos to Mayra for bagging a debonair Swede! I don't know if his English was any good but the only language you need is love.. and handsomeness.







We ran into an older man who had his pants buckled above his belly-button who played the role of ASSHOLE to the tee. He got into it with Jaime, calling her profanities when all we were trying to do was order (and by order I mean steal... whoops) a drink from the bar (his actually haha). He was taking up about 3 yards of bar space and would not budge. I tried to speak to him civilly but then he told me to shut-up and all that dissipated. All I remember is knocking down his drink and then grabbing another drink and throwing it at his backside as we walked away. Bitchy move that could have resulted in me getting my ass kicked but you will not speak to me that way.

The next day we shopped around Brussels where I made my most favorite Euro-purchase to date: the most beautiful jacket ever that I named Lisa. We fell madly in love with each other in the store and I had no choice but to buy her. We then traveled by train to Antwerp where we showered, recharged and changed into sluttier gear.






Perhaps that would explain why I was approached by some strange man outside of our hotel who after a brief inquiry about my stay in Europe, asked if I'd ever considered being an escort. Ummmmm cuz I spent 4 years earning degrees to come whore myself out in Europe. Thanks but no thanks. We ended up meeting a really cool Brazilian chick named Natalia who took us to a huge nightclub called Noxx where tequila & vodka Red bulls flowed like water and stripper poles lined the dance floor. GOOD TIMES. We spent the next day taking in the scenery and eating delicious Vietnamese food for lunch and Greek food for dinner. Though I was near death with exhaustion, Belgium was worth it for sure.

hearts, stars & horseshoes... clovers & blue moons!

I'd been having toothaches for the past few weeks and I finally went to the dentist yesterday. The news is not good. I have a big ass wisdom tooth trying to force its way through my gums as well as an infection. In addition, I need a root canal for a side molar I broke here a few weeks ago. That sounds bad but it really isn't painful at all, it's the wisdom tooth that kills. Thankfully, I'll have painkillers by the end of today.

In other news, things with the family are going relatively well. Nonetheless, things are not all flowers and Hallmark cards; I do have a few qualms. The biggest nuisance is my break time. Each weekday I'm suppose to have designated time to do whatever I like sans the children. Unfortunately this does not always happen. Don't get me wrong, I generally enjoy being with the children but I also like to just relax, take a nap, maybe even going to the gym I'm paying monthly for, whatever. I know you're probably wondering why I am complaining but not being able to communicate well with them can make things difficult & tiring. I feel like events are consistently planned during my break time and I find myself feeling guilty for wanting to leave. I wish more of an effort was made to stick to the schedule we made. The sad thing is that I really don't mind but I feel like it's already become a regular occurrence.

whoa. holy hailstorm outside.

Anyway, perhaps it was my upbringing that makes things more difficult for me to deal with here. I think it's great that the kids are encouraged to do things themselves but if they could do everything, I wouldn't need to be here. I feel like they're spoiled and lack some discipline and have too much control over everything.

I just feel like all these small things are building up and getting on my nerves. It's hard for me to interact with the family sometimes because I'm irritated by things that I feel should not be happening on almost a daily basis. The fact that I really like Thomas, Eline and the kids makes bringing up these points quite difficult. I'd like to maintain the good relationship I have with them, especially since it's not like I can really "leave work at work". I live here! Plus they really are good, kind, caring people.

I hate complaining so I'll stop. Tomorrow we leave for Belgium and I'm terribly excited! I'm leaving around 12ish which means I'm not working for much of the day and I can't wait to be in a different place, experiencing new things. We're going to Brussels tomorrow and spending the night there before going to Antwerp on Saturday. I hear Antwerp is very lively and will hopefully return with good memories and awesome purchases.

In case any of you needed further reason to vote this election, take a look at the following two videos concerning a potential VICE PRESIDENT/PRESIDENT of the entire UNITED STATES:



This one is of comedic genius Tina Fey doing a DEAD ON impersonation (thanks Anthony!)



Preliminary plans are being made for me to return to the states for a week sometime around the 3rd week of May. I'd love to see my loved ones so you can start buying me gifts now! I bought some postcards this week so if I like you enough, expect one in the mail. Despite all this stuff, I'm still in a good mood. Kudos to me for being awesome! I'm going to have a few celebratory glasses of wine even though it's a little after 2 in the afternoon

YouTube is the shit.

Although I'm loving my time here in the Netherlands, there's so much going on today in the world that I have not yet devoted enough time too. For instance, one of the most important elections in United States history. Being here makes it a bit more difficult (read inconvenient) to vote and originally I had decided not to bother with an absentee ballot. I believe that the voting system in the US is drastically flawed and have felt like there's no point in me even voting. Despite the fact that I sometimes hate when Hollywood figures take it upon themselves to voice uneducated opinions (this is usually young Hollywood) or ask people to support political figures for the wrong reasons (I think Obama is great but don't vote for him just because he's Black), I will say that the following video is actually thoughtful and something that citizens, particularly young America can relate too:



Perhaps I'll submit an absentee ballot afterall... maybe. I'm positive that Connecticut will vote Democratic and it's not like the popular vote means anything so there's not much incentive for me from here. But don't be like me! Register to vote then actually DO IT. Hypocritical yes, but at least I'm honest.

I was having a conversation with Lizzy the other day about my goals in life. From a very young age, I'd always told myself that before I die, I would adopt several children as well as build a foster home/orphanage (several if I can). I know that if I am blessed to have the money to do so, I will give back. Sounds like a pageant answer but there's no crown, money, or endorsement deals to be won; the only prize is that good feeling you get when you know you're doing an awesome thing and the smile/laugh/hug that only a child can give you and make you feel like a bajillion bucks. I've read articles and seen specials on families living on the streets and I always wonder how people can walk by them. Don't get me wrong, I've seen several on the streets in my lifetime that I didn't help but it's either because they creeped me out, were obviously under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol or I was really broke. I do always wonder how it was they ended up on the street and I say a little prayer for their well-being. Nonetheless, I've given money to the majority of people who asked because that's just my nature. I found the following video to be very touching and encourage everyone not to just look away. I'm not saying to give out entire paychecks.. just asking you to give something if you can.



In other news, Beyonce is so goddamn extra! She always has to be so over the top, dancing extra hard and be the center of attention (Kelly and Michelle look really different in this video...) buuuuttt, I'm loving this song/video/concept and she's gorgeoussssss!



Okay, so before this turns into a video blog, I'll give you a brief update on my stay here. Today is Tijn's 4th birthday and has been so excited and was so happy this morning! We decorated the downstairs area with signs and balloons and he was so surprised when he came downstairs this morning for school. He really is my favorite.. so sweet and adorable! Niek is learning to speak more and more each day and still misbehaving in the cute little way only he can. He's currently in my room right now, looking through my "secret" drawer and playing with things that are NOT toys! Every so often he'll pick up my laundry basket and put it over his head or rummage through my closet. It's not fair to other children how cute he is. Lara has gotten a lot more respectful and I feel like things are going a lot smoother.

My weekends are still devoted to partying and not getting any of the rest I promise myself I'll get during the week. This past weekend we went to Bitter Zoet and had the usual good times. However, I would like to go to other clubs/bars because Amsterdam has a lot to offer. Saturday night we went to some club named after the devil, which was quite relaxing in fun.. if you don't mind not being able to breathe very well and smelling like an ashtray afterward. Sunday was spent doing a little shopping and course, Wok to Walk!

This weekend we're going to Brussels/Antwerp, Belgium, yay!!

is it naptime yet?

I cannot believe how tired I am right now and it's only3 PM. I am not looking forward to the rest of today nor am I remotely excited for my 2 1/2 hour Dutch course this evening. I have even contemplated throwing myself down a flight of stairs or letting one of these sick children cough on me to avoid going.

This weekend was relatively quiet compared to one's past but I got about 3 full hours of sleep last night. Granted I didn't go to bed until about 1 AM but I swear at least three of the four children woke up periodically last night and since my room doesn't have a door, I heard everything. Pim was screaming his head off every few hours, Tijn may have wet the bed, and I could hear Lara crying on the steps to Thomas at about 3 AM; around 6 AM, I could hear one of them singing. I've grown accustomed to being woken up too early but this during-the-night stuff must come to a halt. Tonight I'm contemplating sleeping in the living room. I was hoping to take a nap on my break but I couldn't since Lara didn't go to school and all the kids were home; damn me for having a conscience! The kids are growing on me more and more each day.. look at these faces!


so fresh & so clean :-)


no wonder he gets away with everything, look @ him!!!!


Niek's rendition of a smile

It doesn't help that I haven't been feeling well. Friday night while I was getting ready to go out, I was hit with a massive headache that left me crippled in bed for about an hour. I took some aspirin which helped a little but really didn't start to feel much better until I had some wine in my system. We went to Bitter Zoet again, but made a quick stop at the coffee shop before going in. As usual, I thoroughly enjoyed myself, drinking unladylike-like amounts of alcohol and dancing by myself in my own world. Apparently all that dancing really tired me out since I was allegedly sleepwalking out of the club, while on the back of Lizzy's bike and walking up the stairs to her bedroom. I saw the stairs in the morning and still couldn't figure out how I made it up them.


the usual crew of bandits


ummmmmm, what?!

Saturday night I stayed in, in an effort to speak to my loved-ones in the US but of course everyone was busy. I tried to go to bed at an early hour but could not fall asleep until about 5 AM. I stayed in bed for most of Sunday but mustered up enough strength to go down and meet the neighbors that Thomas and Eline had invited over. All-in-all, not a thrilling weekend.


[i wish..]

oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day..!

Although I was extremely tired when I woke up this morning, I am feeling much better. Seeing as how I'm terrible with reaching out to people, it feels good to know that people care. I received numerous messages filled with advice on how to tackle being abroad, how to deal with being homesick and just loved ones expressing genuine concern for my happiness. I owe a big thank you to these people for putting things in perspective, helping me to keep my eye on the prize and making me laugh.

I'm so happy I'm feeling better because drinking when you're sad sucks! I will NOT be Debbie Downer tonight but Delightfully Drunk Darline will make an appearance fo shooooooo!

darline and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Today was shitty. The weather was heinous, my hip has been bothering me and I had a migraine for most of the day. I went to the gym and tried to nap after but had such a hard time falling asleep. About a 1/2 hour before I was suppose to be up, I finally fell asleep so you can imagine how disgruntled I was when I had to drag myself outta bed. There's so much on my mind stressing me out and I think that's why I've been feeling so ill.. I don't care to go into too much detail here but let's just say there's a lot weighing heavy on my heart. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

I will give the kids credit.. they were really good today and helped take my mind off things. When Tijn sees me now he gives me a big hug and I love when he sits on my lap or puts my arm around him when we're watching movies on the couch. Pim always smiles when he sees me. Lara was really sweet and I didn't see much of Niek since he was at daycare all day but when he was there, he was being good and so adorable. It's days like these where I catch a glimpse of what everyone says motherhood will feel like.. I want to make them happy and see them smile, listen to their giggles, protect them, nurture them, love them.

I miss my mother.

For the first time since I've been here, I really feel homesick. At other times, I'll think, oh it'd be nice if so-and-so were here to experience this but right now I just want to be home with my family.. have matt snuggle up in my bed and watch a movie with Damaly. I want to enjoy my mom's cooking and tell her I love her when she calls to ask if Matt's asleep. I miss my dad's 5:30AM wake-up calls to ask if I need money in my account. I miss the texts from Damaly asking to borrow said money. I miss seeing all the people I care most about. I miss trying to tell Damaly about my problems and her telling me to get a fucking grip, making me feel better then passing me a shot of vodka. I miss being hungover on a weekday. I miss getting my hair done every two weeks.

Most of all, I miss my shoes.
& you.