Welkom to Heemstede!

I'M HERE!!! I can't believe I'm actually physically here! The plane ride was slightly uncomfortable because no one around me spoke English and the girl next to me's father kept hovering over me to talk to her (I had an aisle seat). This would have been more enjoyable for me if he'd taken the time that morning to apply anti-perspirant. Other than that I enjoyed myself, watching movies on my personal TV located in the headseat of the person in front of me and reading some American rags. The flight was way shorter than I thought and we landed at about 6:10AM Netherlands time so 12:10AM US. Eline met me at the airport and she is gorgeous and fashionable and very very sweet. I can't believe she has four kids! Speaking of her kids, they are UNREAL cute/beautiful/charismatic/smart and I'm already in love with them. They try and have conversation with me in Dutch and sometimes I can guess what they're saying if they point. I love their voices and the way they say my name, especially Tijn.

Since my flight was so early, the kids didn't come to the airport but they were waiting for me when I got home with a welcome sign and i just wanted to gobble them uppppp! If I hadn't forgotten my USB cord like a jackass, I'd have some visuals but alas, I'm an idiot. I didn't even bring my camera charger either. I met the dad and most of the kids but Pim, the 6 month old, was sleeping. I stayed downstairs and chatted/played for a while but fatigue eventually set in and I had to retire to my room on the 4th floor (I'm coming back to the US thinner). It's really spacious and open and I have the entire floor to myself which is awesome. I just woke up from my nap and although I'd really like to shower, the family is taking advantage of the rare gorgeous day (mother nature knew I was coming) at the beach. If I do decide to go that would defeat the purpose of showering, as I'm sure my butt crack and just about every other crevice of my body would be occupied by sand and whatever else the kids will surely want to put on it.

Stay tuned for more updates cuz my life is about to get more captivating <3

and by stay tuned, I mean keep reading. So by the time I woke up from my "nap", the family had already returned. I took a shower and helped the kids get dressed after they showered. Then the 4 of us (Pim was sleeping) pulled out a buncha toys and instruments and pretty much started our own band. These kids are seriously, unbelievably cute (it's ridiculous). After that, they were put to bed which is awesome since I want to say that was around 7:30ish. Jaime also came over and we all went outside to the backyard for a barbecue. After that, Jaime and I ventured out for some ice cream. We had to take bikes to get there and now I'm positive I'll come back to the US in much better shape because my bike was so difficult to ride that Jaime had to lend me hers! We're on the market for a new one for me, but I'll post pictures of my whip when I can so you all can see what I'm dealing with.

Jaime's town, Haarlem, is literally 8 minutes away from me by bike and maybe 5 minutes further down the road are an abundance of shops, eateries and even a church (who knows, maybe I'll rekindle my religious flame). We met up with Jaime's Brazilian au pair friend, Mayra, who was very kind and knew her way around very well. We went and got delicious ice cream and besides me almost being run down by oncoming traffic (I've really got to practice stopping and starting on a bike; it's been quite some time), I'd say the night went swell. I'm extrememly exhausted but Eline told me I can sleep in as late as I want tomorrow so I'll probably take her up on that offer.

bonsoir! (idk how to say it in Dutch yet ;-p

long as you got me, you won't need nobody!

3 fucking days until I leave and I still have a ridiculous amount of shit to do. I have not time-managed very well and as for that list idea, yeaaaa I'm actually adding more stuff to it rather than crossing anything off. I was supposed to work from 10-1 today but somehow that morphed into 2-6 which is pretty much the equivalent of mud butt (sorry, i watched dave chappelle this weekend), since I'd already planned out what I needed to get accomplished today. I originally thought I'd work til 1, meet up with my mentor for lunch then head over to the salon to get my hair did. Instead, I'm trying to reschedule with my mentor for noon-ish then go to work which eliminates me getting my hair done. I need to make these next few days as productive as possible. I STILL HAVE NOT PACKED! Luckily I did organize & sort my clothes to give some away and since I hadn't fully unpacked from moving out of school, my stuff was still neatly folded. If I can cross off laundry & getting my hair situated for tomorrow, I'll only have shopping & packing left to do on Friday. My mentor just called me back and she's treating me to P.F. Changs at 12:15. I love free lunch and she's wonderful.

I should be utilizing every spare moment I have to pack & get it together but I can't bring myself to do. I'm exhausted right now and I'd love to fall asleep for the next 8 hours but I can't. I can, however, take a quick nap :-)

ok.. I'm back (it's now 8 PM). Lunch with my mentor was fabulous! She gave me these beautiful diamond earrings, a sweet card & even some $! She's the best. After lunch I went to work for four hours, stuffing envelopes & browsing the web. I came home with my sister and we watched a myriad of our favorite shows. I should probably be looking for my passport and even trying to pack but I'll save that for tomorrow. or Friday, maybe even Saturday.

Tomorrow I may even try to make it up to UCONN to see everyone & maybe go to nickel night. Someone I used to know got me banned from Huskies (a popular bar at school) but before graduation one of the bouncers told me it'd be alright to come back. I just may take him up on the offer. Chances are I won't but it is an additional option besides going to Sports Bar.

pat ya weave ladies...*

Ok sooooo I have about 10 more days before I'm due to fly to Amsterdam & I'm scared. Nevermind the fact that I'll be away from my family and friends for a year and that I've never been to Europe or speak a lick of Dutch. WHAT THE FUCK AM I GONNA DO ABOUT MY HAIR?!?! Holy shit, I'm screwed! I'm almost positive that there will not be a Morena at my beck & call working in a Dominican hair salon. That pretty much translates into me resembling a wild banshee for much of the next year! I'm hoping that Jaime will have found a suitable salon by the time I arrive cuz I'm basically useless when it comes to my own hair care. I can do the basics but I guess another thing I'll learn in Heemstede is how to give myself a relaxer. I've never had a weave before but if necessary, I will get one when I come home for Christmas.. if I come home that is. My host mother is super sweet & has already extended an invitation out to my family to come stay at her house for the holidays while her family goes to Switzerland. Chances are it'll just be Matt & my sisters coming but I'm in no rush to come home, especially when I could have the house to myself or use that time to travel elsewhere. I use to think being gone for a year was a long time and it is, but at the same time it really isn't. I feel like this year is gonna fly by and be the time of my mothafuckin life! I feel like I'm going to learn so many new things, see so much I haven't seen. Don't get me wrong, I intend on enjoying the nightlife & retail therapy but I remember my trip to China.. being on the Great Wall was one of the most profound experiences of my life and was something I took to heart and carry with me to this day. I know there's gonna be so many places of beauty to see & I hope a year is enough time to see it all.

I've been trying to make the most of the time I have left with those closest to me. Damaly's leaving me for the weekend to go to Canada but my oldest sister wants to celebrate her move to NY/end of the summer & me leaving with a nice dinner and dancing in the city. It should be an awesome time and it'll mean a lot to me to be with all my sisters.. it's been a while since we've all been together; years actually.

I'm going to try to make it down to Maryland either this weekend or sometime next week to chill with Mark and say bye to all the people I've met on my ventures down there. I always have a good time when I go & this time won't be any different. It's gonna suck saying goodbye to him but I know we'll talk all the time & he better friggin visit! I hope my little man Matt can visit too. I'm gonna miss him so much! I've made it a point to hang out with him more and hug/kiss/tickle/spoil him more to make up for not seeing him. I love that kid like he's mine (he may as well be, actually). Anyway, I don't wanna get all sad thinking about leaving the people I love so NEXT.

My boobs feel swollen & my nipples are hard.

2008 has been really good to me. I had a fantastic final Spring semester at UCONN, completely letting loose & having the drunken time of my life! I had the best time in Jamaica for Spring Break, I've met some absolutley wonderfully amazing people & trimmed the fat that was the people I had holding me back in life. College was fun but I've grown & needed to cut out those who have not yet reached my maturity level. I feel the most alive that I've felt in quite some time & I can genuinely, honestly, wholeheartedly say that I'm happy. Now I get to fulfill my dream of traveling & getting out of CT/USA!! By the time the holidays come around, I'll have an even better understanding of who I am, where I wanna go in life, and what's most important to me... & I'll either come home to the people that love me or they'll venture out to The Netherlands where I'll be there waiting with open arms <3.

micheal jordan, tiger woods, I'm tryna get that oprah.

So technically I leave in just 12 days! I told my parents about the situation and of course, my dad deferred the 'decision' (I was gonna go regardless) to my mother, who was characteristically passive and indifferent; works for me. My dad had 827374 questions for me, some of which I couldn't answer & naturally wondered if my host family were crazy killers who may use pliers to snap off a toe like they did to that asian dame in one of those Hostel movies. I assured him that they weren't so let's hope I'm right... I'm particularly fond of the little piggy that went to market. I have a few things I still need to explain to them that I don't know the answers too but I'm sure once I'm there and staying in contact with them regularly, they'll feel much better.

I made a list of things to pack & holy shit it's long! I already have most of the things I need but I know I'm forgetful as shit so I wrote down every little thinggg just to be on the safe-side. I'm scared to even go shopping cuz I know I'm gonna spend money here that I should save to buy more stuff once I get there! I do wanna buy a scrapbook to keep track of my travels & send my parents a postcard from each place. I know they're more apprehensive about me leaving than they're letting on, but it's my choice to make & I know going would make me really happy & fill the void I've felt over not having experienced as much as I'd like.

It hit last night as I was out at a Jets game with my sister how much I was gonna miss her & all the things we could be doing. Granted, many of these activities can still be done when I get back but I'm gonna miss our latenight chats, nights out, tryna creep up the stairs piss drunk at 5 AM, goin to the Carribean Day Parade, her Christmas work party, talkin shit, driving places, OUR BIRTHDAYS (fucckkkk) our evening work-outs (aka relaxing in the sauna), & so many of our other excursions. The only thing that would make me happier is having her with me in The Netherlands for the year but I guess I'll have to make do with Jaime :-P

But seriously, this is gonna be such a great year, I can feel it. D gets free shipping from her job so I'm not too worried about forgetting things. I wish she could ship out people.

I'm so excited to meet Eline & her family! The kids are so cute in the pictures, I know I'm gonna fall in love with them when I meet them in person. I bought this book that tells all these interesting facts about different countries. Apparently for the Dutch, both parties on a phone should introduce themselves first before starting a conversation. They alternate 3 kisses on each check when coming (haha, I'm so immature) & going. When visiting, it is custom for one to shake the hands of everyone present, even children & the most popular sport is soccer. YESSSSSS! I'll fit right in since I'm the best thing since Mia Hamm, obviously. There are plenty of other little facts that will hopefully help me avoid looks of disdain, or a stoning.

I don't know why I'm so hungry right now. I'm watching the Roast of Bob Sagat & dying of hunger but it's already 1 AM. I need to get it together.... or make myself a turkey sandwich. wheezy, out.

christmas done come EARLY this year!

My world is about to completely be turned upside down! I got the chance of a lifetime & I am sooooo happy to say that I am to become an au pair in The Netherlands at the end of this month!! I know, I know that's in like 2 weeks but these past few days have been a whirlwind.. It all started with my friend/lover Jaime, who's already au pairing in the Netherlands for a year. Relatives of her host family were in need of an au pair and on a whim I told her I'd be interested. I'd already been eaten alive by the traveling bug so this was an easy decision that pretty much aligned with my own interests. I didn't think it would actually happen but I've spoken/emailed the family and I'm happy to report that I will be leaving the US for an entire year the weekend of August 30th!!! I'm super friggin excited! I'm going to miss my family and friends but this is for sure, the opportunity of a lifetime and I'd eternally kick myself if I didn't do it. While I'm there, I want to drown myself in European culture and I plan to visit so many places! It's even more awesome that Jaime will be there and we can share experiences together. It's so crazy how this all worked out. If I'd been told that this would happen literally like 2 days ago, I would've never guessed. I feel so blessed right now.



The mom, Eline, is super sweet and speaks English really well. She sent me a picture of her 4 kids(!!) who are legit the CUTEST kids in all the land. There are 3 boys and one girl (how precious is her smile?!) Jaime and I already plan to have playdates and I'm soooo excited to put the domestic skills that I picked up at UCONN (i was a housewifetry minor) into use. I already know that those kids are going to be irresistible and that I'm going to have a hard time telling them no! I may even try to bring them back home with me... at least one. just kidding. kinda. not really. Eline emailed me this morning and I'm about to research my flight out!! SO EXCITING!!

let me wrap my thighs around your waist...*

I've been fantastically well these past few days but now I've got a case of the Mondays.. back to my mundane, uneventful, not-the-kind-of-lifestyle-someone-as-fabulous-as-me-should-be-living week. Wednesday night I went into New York City with Damaly to see a comedy show at Caroline's that her 'ex' performed in. I have not laughed so long in forrreeevvveerr and I can honestly say that my moderate (& by moderate i mean 3-4) consumption of Long Island Iced Teas had little to do with me holding my sides & emitting the kind of laughter generally associated with burly middle-aged men. I won't do the performers the injustice of me trying to reiterate jokes from their acts cuz I'd surely butcher them but let's just say i may have peed on myself a little & watched much of the show through tear-filled eyes. Thursday a buncha my girls, D & I went to the new MGM Grand @ Foxwoods. It was quite a trek getting there since Mother Nature decided to be a cunt, unleashing viscious hail (i thought the fist-size chunks were gonna break my window!) and thunderstorms that had cars pulling over, trees falling down & the Merritt Parkway to be even more of a pitch-black guessing game. I was actually thankful for the flashes of lightening that temporarily basked my path with light. The life-threatening trip was well worth it. I got to see my panda bear & we all dressed up like baby whores to socialize exclusively with ourselves once we got to The Shrine. I was already half in the bag upon our arrival but I had such a good time dancing with my sister & friends & we stayed the night, relieving everyone of any designated driver responsibilities. I then spent the weekend down in Maryland with my boo boo bear Mark, checking out his new pad, going to a Mexican themed party, stealing shot glasses from a Mexican restaurant (apparently I became Hispanic this weekend) partaking in intellectual past-time activities like beer (in my case bacardi & orange juice) pong, relaxing & really just being totally at peace & care-free with someone I genuinely care for. He reads this so I'm not gonna toot his horn anymore but he is quite stupendous <3

I came across a story online I feel is worthy to discuss: apparently a man attempted to pose as a police officer to garner free porn from an adult novelty shop. I've heard of cops getting free donuts/other fattening but delicious desserts, free coffee, drug/blood money, maybe some domer from a chick tryna get out of a ticket but PORN? Don't get me wrong, quality porn may get expensive (not that i know or anything) but with bitchin technology like the internet it's readily accessible. Unfortunately for the gentleman, it didn't work but kudos to him for being an innovator!

I am an avid fan of the King of Queens & although people think Leah Remini is a bitch, I find her to be quite risible. Anyway, I was unaware that she was a Scientologist. I'm not one to knock anyone's personal beliefs & actually don't disagree with every aspect of the religion & they don't all differ from other faiths (they believe that man is generally good but err in judgement by soley considering their own points of view & in reincarnation). Nonetheless, I am not inclined to believe that alien dictators placed implants in the minds of humans to brainwash & control us (ain't that the pot calling the kettle black). Sounds farfetched to me but I am of the Catholic faith (technically.. although I am not loyal to any one religion; i say be a good, respectful person & try not to do any bad shit) who denounce the theory of evolution & believe that Jesus died for us & rose from the dead. tomato, tomatto.

Anyway, I bring this up cuz Scientology is often considered a cult & I read really sad story of a little boy who may have lost his life because of his mom's involvement in one: http://mobile.baltimoresun.com/news.jsp?key=204043&rc=mane. What is this world coming too?!?

enough for now, tata.

it's just emotions taking me over

As usual, there are so many thoughts running through my head. My mind feels like the underneath of a small child's bed who'd been told to clean his room and naturally stuffed everything under there. Good things are happening to me in certain aspects of my life.. but I question if too many good things can happen in only ONE particular area of my life while the other ones are ehhhh. Whatever. I suppose I should be thankful for all I do have, and I am. I refuse to turn this blog into a place for bitching and moaning when things really aren't that bad for me in life right now.


I've recently gotten back into my habit of writing poetry since that's what helps me avoid thinking about things I prefer to block out. While some of the following may represent how I currently feel, not all of them do. I like to pick a topic or emotion and run with it. They're all untitled because I prefer for readers to create their own.. that and all my titles sounded corny.



The golden sun shining like brass
bombarded by the swaying leaves
As you lay with me on the fresh mown grass
tickled by the summer's b r e e z e.
Alone again, just you and me
hands and limbs intertwined
Laying next to each other where no one can see
where our true selves can truly shine
Evening zephyr, soft as a dove
Blows gently against us where we lie
as we exchange soft looks of love
and the trees approvingly sigh
Time slips by, so does the light
As we lay together with the stars and night.




CHEESY I know, but I feel like love is all around me.. even I can feel it, so why not? Anyway, that's enough softness.



I cried in my sleep knowing tomorrow
Would bring back all the pain and sorrow
That I thought I'd left behind.

It's BOGGLING

How you left me all alone with myself
Alone to make sense of the world
and everything else.
So in the puddle of tears on my wet pillow
Under the shadow of a whispering willow
I rest my tired body and defeated soul
In a grassy pasture, resting with knights of old.

Morgan Freeman got into a serious car accident so every time I see those Olympics commercials I say a little prayer. My favorite one is when the guy injures himself but finishes the race with his father; so touching!

I've been making preliminary travel plans & I'm so excited!!!!! I'd like to do a 25 day European tour that visits 11 countries & I'd love to go with someone I can have a good time with. The problem is that everyone's busy and/or broke. Regardless of whether or not someone can come, I'm going. A friend of mine is au pairing in the Netherlands which is a stop on the tour & she's also down to go to SPAIN, which I've been dyyyiiiiinngg to visit!! If I can make those trips happen, I'd be so unbelievably happy & it would make my life.

In addition, I am scheduled to finally visit Haiti with my dad & my sis. I've never been & i wanna see the house my dad's been building on his frequent trips (he used to be a carpenter) there. That should be an amazing experience. He also wants to take a family vacation to Florida which should be fun.. we haven't take one of those in a while. He even mentioned wanting to move there which is fine except that I like the tri-state area & would only be willing to go as far south as DC or Maryland. Either way, the next 12 months should be quite a roller coaster, but good thing I'm a big fan of theme parks!