Today was shitty. The weather was heinous, my hip has been bothering me and I had a migraine for most of the day. I went to the gym and tried to nap after but had such a hard time falling asleep. About a 1/2 hour before I was suppose to be up, I finally fell asleep so you can imagine how disgruntled I was when I had to drag myself outta bed. There's so much on my mind stressing me out and I think that's why I've been feeling so ill.. I don't care to go into too much detail here but let's just say there's a lot weighing heavy on my heart. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
I will give the kids credit.. they were really good today and helped take my mind off things. When Tijn sees me now he gives me a big hug and I love when he sits on my lap or puts my arm around him when we're watching movies on the couch. Pim always smiles when he sees me. Lara was really sweet and I didn't see much of Niek since he was at daycare all day but when he was there, he was being good and so adorable. It's days like these where I catch a glimpse of what everyone says motherhood will feel like.. I want to make them happy and see them smile, listen to their giggles, protect them, nurture them, love them.
I miss my mother.
For the first time since I've been here, I really feel homesick. At other times, I'll think, oh it'd be nice if so-and-so were here to experience this but right now I just want to be home with my family.. have matt snuggle up in my bed and watch a movie with Damaly. I want to enjoy my mom's cooking and tell her I love her when she calls to ask if Matt's asleep. I miss my dad's 5:30AM wake-up calls to ask if I need money in my account. I miss the texts from Damaly asking to borrow said money. I miss seeing all the people I care most about. I miss trying to tell Damaly about my problems and her telling me to get a fucking grip, making me feel better then passing me a shot of vodka. I miss being hungover on a weekday. I miss getting my hair done every two weeks.
Most of all, I miss my shoes.
& you.
